Love, Loss, and Letting Go: A Story of Change
by SummerMoon-WinterSun
Summary: A milestone of epic proportions, ladies and gents: Sakura reflects on her ninja career. Her Sasuke-induced, Team 7-centric, rivalry with Ino-fueled ninja career. This is her transformation: Sasuke fangirl to Tsunade's apprentice, narrated by the latter in the form of diary entries commenting on the former's stupidity. *Not perfectly cannon and slightly out-of-character Sakura.*


Dear Diary,

Here's how it all began:

"Sakura, honey, your father and I love each other very much. But we need you to understand something, okay? Can you do that?"

I can only imagine how this must seem to you, diary. But you don't have to worry. It's not like that. Quite the opposite, actually.

My dad spoke next, ruffling my hair as he did so, smiling softly.

"Mebuki, honestly! Don't scare her like that!" He paused. "Love's complicated, kiddo. I didn't know the first thing about it when I was your age, but I tried, and failed quite a bit, before I met your mother." He chuckled, and my mom mock-glared in annoyance. "Sakura-chan, let me teach you a little something about love," he sighed and smiled, "love is..."

And so began my education in the three things that matter most in life: love, loss, and letting go.

And here goes everything and nothing at all, because what mattered is gone, and what never mattered now does.

This is a story of change, of _evolution_, dear diary, and it needs to be told. My transformation wouldn't be complete without it, and I intend on seeing both through to the end.

Before I begin, however, you need to be ready; once I start, well, it'll be hard to stop. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there, don't you think?

Okay, enough rambling.

Here I go.

See you on the other side.

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Graduation Exam Day

Dear Diary,

Oh, boy, today's the day! I'm a nervous wreck, of course! I mean, I know everything they might ask, know it like the back of my hand to be honest, but still! What if I choke? What if I walk into the exam room and fall flat on my face in front of the Hokage? What if I score below Ino-pig? What if, what if, what if… Any advice, O wise one?

What if Sasuke does better than me? What if he does so much better than me he'll compare me to Naruto? Oh, the horror! Just kill me now, please! Put me out of my misery before it can play out, I'm begging you! A simple, fatal paper cut would do just fine.

Oh, come on! I'm giving you ideas, diary, and judging by the amount of abuse and heartache I've put you through, I'm shocked you're not taking my advice!

No? Nothing? Just send me to my death, why don't you?

Okay, fine. I'll stop the melodrama, just help me out here.

No? Suit yourself. I'll recap the whole thing when I get back. Just wait in anxious anticipation and think about what you've done, mister, until I get back. Got it? Good.

Thanks for listening (but not so much now that I'm angry at you),

Sakura

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"All right, all right! Settle down, everyone! The test is about to begin!"

Iruka-sensei, by far everyone's favorite Academy teacher, was always trying to control his classes, and today was no different, except that it was much, much harder to calm down the excited little monsters, me included. I-can't-wait-until-we're-ninja conversations were driving him crazy, as was made clear by his none-too-quiet cursing, increasingly agitated pacing, and last but not least, the bulging vein/eye combo.

At this stage in my life I was obsessed with Sasuke. I won't say any more just now, considering you'll get it all by the time this is over, so just bide your time, dear diary, and let me tell my story how it should be told: without the excessive fangirling. Until, of course, that must be told in order to tell the story…

Moving on. I was talking (more like debating) with Ino about who would end up on Sasuke's team (a fact we had no way of knowing until after the test, despite our fantasies). She argued that it'd be her because, "…we're meant to be together, Forehead. There's nothing you can do to change that. So stop trying." And I said, "Hell no, Pig. Ino-Shika-Cho, remember? Your destiny's set in stone. You get the lazy genius and the (I had to whisper this part because of Choji's insecurity issues) fat one."

She fumed, flipped her hair in my face. I stuck my tongue out in victory, smiled, and heard my name called.

"Time to go secure my spot on Sasuke's team, Pig. Wish me luck!" Her response, an exact repeat of her previous performance not five seconds before, elicited the same from me.

I happily bounded down the classroom steps, grinning widely, and waved to Sasuke.

Exiting the classroom and walking towards the testing room, I did three things. One: mentally prepared in case I made a fool of myself and didn't get a headband (the worst case scenario), two: told myself that I could do this (which I always do, regardless of test significance), and three: imagined the end result of me, headband in hand, gloating to Ino, proudly displaying my success to Sasuke, and getting congratulatory hugs and cake from my parents (the best case) or hanging my head in shame as Ino raved about all things ninja- and Sasuke-related, receiving no acknowledgement from the boy of my dreams (any acknowledgement is better than none), and watching in depression-induced slow motion as my parents shook their heads and threw away the cake (worst case).

Seeing my hand on the doorknob scared me half to death, knowing what was beyond it, but I stepped through despite that. I had to, you see. For me. At that time, though, "for me" meant for my growing self-confidence and tried-and-true love for Sasuke.

Pathetic, I tell you. Absolutely pathetic.

Half of my desire to be a ninja revolved around a boy. If only I had known how stupid I was then… But I know now, and now you know too, diary.

Can't say I've gotten over it, but I've accepted it, and that's all I can ask for, right?

As always,

Sakura

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**As always, review, if you would be so kind as to spare not even a minute of your time. Mega thanks and, while I can't guarantee updates often or regularly, you can rest assured that they will keep coming (this is a habit I'm working on, and any of you who have/are trying to break or start a habit knows, it's damn hard). Wish me luck and happy reading!**


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